Cult of Fools Weekly (Jan 28, 2024) – “$83.3 Million for Mr 91 Indictments”

So yes, a Florida Man with 91 criminal counts, won the NH Republican primary this past week, then went on to pick up a penalty in a civil trial of $83.3 million.

That $83.3 million is made up of $18.3m for compensatory damages and $65m in punitive damages. Remember, he not only defamed E Jean Carroll, but it is also a legal fact established by a previous civil trial that he sexually assaulted her

When you consider that none of this, not even the 91 criminal indictments currently pending, gives the cult followers of this “Florida Man” any pause, then yes, we do indeed live in “interesting” times.

Some might quip, “but that’s just politicians making up charges and throwing them at each other like a food fight”. Er no, the 91 counts have nothing to do with politicians throwing charges at each other. Four different grand juries carefully considered the evidence and then indicted him.

Some support him despite all this with the thought that he will solve the immigration problem. What they don’t really grasp is that he has successfully conned them.

Yes, the border is a problem, nobody doubts that, nor does anybody disagree that something needs to be done. The news, also from this past week, was that a meaningful bipartisan deal was close .. very close. Guess who then stepped in and derailed it because he wants to use the issue to campaign with.

There really is no ducking the observation that the current R platform is quite frankly nuts …

Moving on, below you will once again find my usual selection of some truly bizarre and extreme claims that have popped up during the last 7 days. Each is laced with my snarky commentary. 

With my usual hat tip to my various sources, let’s once again dive into this very murky pool of raw absurdity and stupidity. 

Christian Nationalism

Kandiss Taylor declares that “there’s no such thing as Separation of Church and State”: “We are the church, and we run this state!”

  • Constitution says “Nope”.
  • Kandiss, the infamous “Jesus, Guns, and babies” nut and also a firm flat-earth proponent, does however clearly practise the separation of Church and Reality.
  • So which specific “Church” does she think runs the state …Methodist, Baptist, Catholic, Pentecostal, etc… there are many many more. There is absolutely no agreement on what the “true” church is. Each believes only they have a monopoly on “truth”.
  • Reminder: When she stood for election, the vast majority of the voters in the Republican primary (96.6%) said “Hell No” when faced with her, and of course she then refused to concede because she believed that Republican primary had been rigged … a page taken from the book written by her beloved Lord and Saviour … Trump.

Tim Barton asserts that … “only Christians can have a really proper understanding of history because we’re the only ones who have the proper understanding of the world and have the right worldview.”

  • The actual evidence is that neither Tim nor his Dad, who are both pseudo-historians with no academic credentials, have even a passing familiarity with actual historical facts.
  • Dr Dennis M Swanson: “There are at least four different main theologically derived views of history, within Christianity. Which one does this guy advocate and why should we believe he’s correct?”
  • Barton Translator (both Son and Dad): “proper understanding” = “We make shit up to promote our whacky religious agenda”

Jim Garlow says “the Executive Branch (Biden-Harris-Mayorkas) hates America” and “only God can save what is left of the homeland.”

  • Pastor Jim Garlow Translator: “Hates America” = “Is not a deeply weird religious nutter and fanatical Trump sycophant who agrees with all the bizarre things I claim”
  • In his rant he makes it clear that he thinks SCOTUS also “hates America” because they ruled that the Federal government is responsible for the border.

Ben Zeisloft declares that “we should legislate Christian morality”: “All other supposed morality which contradicts the revelation of God is serpentine, demonic, false morality.”

  • What exactly is “Christian Morality”, because there is no consensus on what that means? For example, the bible is a pro-slavery text cover to cover. It even contains explicit instructions on how to correctly beat your slave (if they are still alive after a beating then that’s OK). Opposing slavery is quite literally “contradicting the revelation of God” and is apparently “demonic“.
  • For those wondering, the term “Christian Morality” is a code word for – let’s discriminate against people for being born gay, and let’s also send women back to the kitchen to cook and be silent.

The Cult of Trump

White nationalist Lauren Witzke wants to see Trump returned to office so he can go “scorched earth”: “I hope he goes full dictator.”

Meanwhile …

Homophobia on Steroids

Christian nationalist Jarrin Jackson says that parents of transgender children are spitting in the face of God because trans children are “a plague on our society”: “Trans children are an abomination to the Lord.”

The American Family Association has dropped a radio program from its lineup because the host, Alastair Begg, told a grandmother that she could attend her gay grandson’s wedding.

  • Always remember that the far-right hates “cancel culture” … except when they do it.
  • Data point number 657,879,678 on the vast chart of examples that illustrate just how obnoxious these people truly are.
  • To illustrate that this is raw bigotry and not a matter of conscience, just think of it like this. Would they demand the boycott of a wedding if it was Hindu, Jewish, or Muslim? All of those are faiths they would deem to be satanic.


photo posted by Ann Vandersteel allegedly showing former President George W. Bush, Vice President Dick Cheney, National Security Adviser Condoleeza Rice, and others holding a meeting with Osama bin Laden is fake.

Christian conspiracy theorist Johnny Enlow says he lost his glasses but found them in a place he’d already looked. His explanation? An angel did it.

  • Guy not wearing his glasses, was unable to see his glasses when he went looking … but apparently an Angel helped … yea, right.
  • For those that actually read the bible you will be aware that angels are supposedly supernatural beings that murder, destroy, rape, assault, and infect people with plagues. Finding f**king glasses was never on their agenda.

A Colorado pastor and his wife have been sued for running a cryptocurrency scheme. Pastor Eli Regalado assured his rubes that he didn’t pocket all the cash: “A few hundred thousand dollars went to a home remodel that the Lord told us to do.”

  • They claimed that God told them directly that investors would become wealthy if they put money into INDXcoin
  • You know how this plays out … they spent it funding a lavish lifestyle
  • I rather like this quote: … “When your pastors tells you to invest in God’s Kingdom by way of his personal Venmo account, it should raise at least a few red flags.”.

Ella Maulding proclaims that “the production and distribution of pornography should be met with the death penalty.”

  • Lots of “good christians” would be secretly very stressed if such a law was passed.
  • This Christian “harlot” saying this has a Twitter profile picture that is not sufficiently covered up, she needs to put on her Burqa because right now what she is doing is producing and distributing “pornography” with that image.

Lauren Witzke believes “9/11 was a human sacrifice on a mass scale” carried out by the government on the order of demons.

Christian hate-preacher Aaron Thompson has a lot of love for a woman who translated the NIV Bible. “When I looked her up, I realized that she’s already dead. So thank God for that! She’s roasting in Hell today.”

  • Women who translated Bible into a more accessible modern english translation (gosh, what a hideous crime that is, “shudders”) … is burning in hell.

Rep. Josh Schriver declares that Michigan Gov. Gretchen Whitmer “should part from her alliance with Democrat Satanists and announce that she’s becoming a Bible-practicing Christian!”

  • Bible-practicing” … what does that actually mean? …which bible, which translation, which interpretation of that specific translation, because there is literally no consensus on that.
  • My Translation: Rep. Josh Schriver declares that he is a deeply weird and totally nutty religious fanatic.

Ben Zeisloft proclaims that “pornography is a sedative allowed by our elites to keep young men passive and fill them with guilt, stopping them from repelling tyranny or righteously taking dominion.”

  • There is quite a bit of porn in the Bible … might be best to ban it to keep Ben happy.
  • Side Note: He is only worried about guys consuming porn, and apparently has no problem with young women doing do.
  • I speculate that what is really going on here is that his wife found his Only Fans account and so he now needs to burn it all down.

Ben Zeisloft says that “the state exists to punish evildoers. The people who murder babies are evildoers. Christians must therefore reform the state so that they prosecute murderers of the preborn.”

  • Humans that exist have rights, humans that do not actually exist, do not.
  • George Carlin nailed it in one years ago: “Pre-born, you’re sacred. Pre-school, you’re fucked!”

The False Profit$

Now that Ron DeSantis has dropped out, we are all starting to worry that we might not be able to trust Charlie Shamp’s prophecies.

  • Context: His prophecy about this time last year on the Jim Bakker show was that DeSantis would be president
  • Oh come now, you know how this works. If challenged, he would simply say, “Not in 2024, but later”.
  • If DeSantis had been banned for life and not simply dropped out, Shamp would still be claiming a hit by asserting that DeSantis was now president on a spiritual level and not literally, or that Satan had prevented it. The beauty of making stuff up is that when you get it very wrong, you can just make up more stuff to wiggle out of it. The gullible will always buy whatever these frauds are selling.

Republican Politics 101- Claim credit for the work others do

Here is a classic explain from the past week being exposed by community notes and Gov Tim Walz …


So this old tweet has aged rather well …

Oklahoma strives to make things even worse

Libs of Tik Tok will now be choosing library books for students in Oklahoma…

  • For context, Libs of TikTok is the handle that Chaya Raichik uses to deploy hate speech that targets the LGBT community (more on it here)
  • I can only speculate that Ryan’s next step will be to put David Duke in charge of the Black history month
  • Hat tip to those that spot the grammar error in the tweet from the superintendent of Oklahoma education.

10 Commandments Posters

James Talarico, who is a Christian, truly nails it, and calls out just how crazy this 10 Commandments bill really is …

The Right to Drown Children with Razor Wire

Then there was also religious fanatic preacher and GOP candidate Joshua Feuerstein wanting to “lead an armed militia to the Border”…

Why are things so bad at the border in Texas?

Beto O-Rourke lays out the details of how Greg Abbott has completely and totally screwed things up in a thread…

Things that never happened

“Other Genocides”

The look on her face at the end when she realised what she had just said …


The guy who rolled on the campaign trail with the slogan “never back down” … has now backed down …

Pro-Death …

Tea Wars and the UK …

  • For background context, BBC News reporting this in the UK “US scientist recommends adding salt to make perfect cup of tea“. After that provoked a reaction, the US Embassy in the UK needed to step in to mend fences
  • Side Note: Please, do not start discussing what the word “biscuit” refers to with them.

As perhaps was intended, they got this reaction to the above …

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