It turns out that Satan is the good guy

Illustration of the Devil in the Codex Gigas, folio 290 recto from 13th century

This is actually a posting about the religious effort to force unqualified people into schools as councillors in Florida.

Let’s first do a bit of background before we get into what has happened.

HB 931

Back in April HB 931 was approved by the Florida Gov. Yes him,he who shall not be named because we all know who. This is a bill that permits schools in Florida to have school chaplains.

It takes effect from July 1st. But wait, it is August now, so stuff has been happening, but we will come to that later.

So what would these chaplains be expected to do?

The “idea” is that provide support and services for students.

Great, so they will get lots of training in how to look after students and will be accredited councillors … right?

Right?

Of course not.

The training requirements for these chaplains is exactly zero.

What could possibly go wrong?

No doubt various denominations will be eager to pile in and “harvest souls”, which is a polite way of says recruit and indoctrinate. You also don’t need to think too hard to see the rather obvious reaction by some chaplains to gay students and the extraordinary quantity of real harm that would be inflicted.

Competence Not Required

How do you become a school counselor?

If you want to be hired to do that then you need to complete a bachelor’s degree in a behavioral, social science or education field. They will also be looking for people who have earned a master’s degree in school counseling. Even then, you will be expected to complete a graduate internship experience to gain certification/licensure requirements. There will also of course be verification, you will need to pass any required exams for certification/licensure.

Meanwhile, how you you now become the Florida alternative … a school Chaplin?

The only apparent qualification is that these are people who sincerely believe that their imaginary friend in real. That’s it, that is the job qualification.

In life we expect those who take up roles of responsibility to go through rigorous training and to then demonstrate competence, and even then they are mentored by others.

If you looked for help from a doctor, then how would you feel if the only “solution” on offer was prayer, and the doctor you went to had no actual medical training at all, but was instead somebody who had decided to just give it a go. For some, not a problem of course because he would simply pray over you and a “miracle” would happen, then when nothing actually happened, it would be your fault because you lacked faith.

Would anybody be actually OK with that?

How about catching a flight, and then discovering that the pilot was on his own, had never done it before, had no clue what all the buttons in the cockpit actually did, but had played with a flight simulator on his smartphone and assured you that all would be fine because God would guide him. Would you stay in your seat, or would you be rushing for the door?

Chaplin is a recognised role, for example an Army Chaplin, so why not a school Chaplin?“, some might quip.

Your can’t just turn up and have a go at being an Army Chaplin because your church has granted you the title. The Army has a long list of requirements that you must meet to even become a candidate. That’s a bit of a contrast to what is going on in Florida for the new role of school Chaplin where the entry criteria appears to be individuals who are religious and breathing.

Satan Turns Up

You saw my title, so you can probably guess where this is now going.

When Desantis signed HB 931 into law last April, they all knew how it would play out. He very explicitly stated that Satanists would not be eligible to become chaplains. At the same time the Satanic Temple, which claims IRS recognition as a church, expressed the group’s intention to sign up members to become volunteer chaplains.

Despite what Desantis claimed, the actual text of the bill does not stipulate what religion the chaplains must practice. In fact, it does not stipulate any religious requirements at all nor any training, you could in fact have somebody with no religion at all becoming an official Chaplin.

As far as the text of the bill goes, it enables a school to hire literally anybody for the role, all it takes would be a school board vote.

School board vote?

Ah yes, now you see where this is going.

When the Osceola County School Board in Florida was faced with this decision, they began to appreciate that this is a complete can of worms that had been dumped into their lap.

The moment it was on their agenda, this happened …

The first paragraph there reads …

… While we believe that investing in licensed, professional counselors would be more beneficial for Osceola County’s students, we are enthusiastic about the opportunity this policy presents for our Ministers of Satan, who are eager to build positive, supportive relationships with students and become an active part of the school community…

For a bit of context, this school district is ground zero for all of this. It’s the location Desantis selected to sign the Bill into law last April. As he was doing that, they welcomed both him and the bill.

They got a firm assurance from Desantis at the time that The Satanic Temple is not a real religion and so they don’t need to worry about that. Unfortunately for the school board, they believed him, and now they are in the finding out stage.

As far as the IRS is concerned, The Satanic Temple is a fully recognised church.

If they allow Chaplains to participate, but discriminated against The Satanic Temple then they open themselves up to lawsuits.

On Aug 13th the school board suddenly, and rather wisely, decided “Er … we need to delay this decision and think about it

With concerns in play, on Aug 20 the Dept of Education in Florida released guidance …

The Americans United for Separation of Church and State then promptly leapt in and pointed out the deep flaws within that proposed model …

Florida public school chaplains policy would harm students and families

Not surprisingly, the model policy would harm students and families:

  • The model policy doesn’t include any constitutional safeguards for students’ religious freedom. It doesn’t prohibit chaplains from proselytizing students, attempting to convert them, praying in front of them, or imposing religion on them in any other way. Instead, the policy envisions that chaplains will provide “spiritual guidance” to students – essentially turning public schools into Sunday schools. 
  • The model policy would allow chaplains – who aren’t required to have adequate training – to provide critical services like mental health counseling to students. Students need counselors, not chaplains, and this policy puts students at risk.
  • The model policy doesn’t require chaplains to be willing to serve any student, including students who are different religions, nonreligious, or LGBTQIA+, and to provide unbiased services. Vulnerable students could face rejection and condemnation at the hands of school-approved chaplains.

Moment of Impact

On Aug 27 the school board meets once again.

Public discussion ran for over an hour and included contributions from the The Satanic Temple who gave them some rather sensible guidance on what the outcome would be if they pushed ahead …

… Some of your churches have not had the best records regarding child care and safety. Maybe your church has had no such problems, but you cannot keep this program contained to your church. You cannot keep this program contained to your religion. 

Governor Ron DeSantis lied to you from the podium during a press conference after signing the School Chaplain bill into law. He declared that Satanists would be disallowed. Such proclamations hold no legal weight and do nothing to overturn the Constitution, which guarantees religious liberty for all. 

Similarly, your Department of Education has released recommended policy guidelines that attempt to narrow the definition of religion to exclude Satanists. This also holds no legal weight and defies all relevant legal precedent. 

So the short of it is: You’re voting on a policy that is unpopular, divisive, poorly planned, obviously dishonest in its goals, unnecessary, and introduces new risks to children. Even if you are allowed to implement it according to your wishes, the reality is, you’ll have to accommodate religious identities you may not agree with. 

You will end up with Satanist chaplains. Vote how you will.

Good luck… and God bless.

Indeed yes.

The people actually doing the Lord’s work in any meaningful ethical, legal, or moral sense here are the Satanists, not the Christians.

It was also not an isolated voice. Many others, including Christians, spoke up in opposition to the policy.

Once done with discussion then moved to a vote.

It was 3-2 with 3 voting against Chaplains and so that left 2 rather pissed off religious fanatics.

One was, Scott Ramsey, a buddy of DeSantis. The other was Jon Arguello who had made the motion to have school Chaplains.

Mr Arguello then proceeded on a rant directed against those on the board who had voted against his motion …

“If there was a student who came up here asking hey, ‘I want to be chemically castrated because I’m a transgender ideologist,’ the school board members on this dais would pay for the Uber to send that student to the clinic,” he said, to audible gasps and a “What?” from others in the meeting.

“But here, in this situation,” Arguello continued, “a student comes and they ask for spiritual guidance because they need something that is different than what we are offering, and they want to cut it down or provide some lukewarm voting because they are running for office. It’s ridiculous.”

Yes, he just had to be a total asshole and drop in a bit of transphobia.

And no, because here is the actual situation. If a student feels they need “spiritual guidance” (whatever the hell that means) then they can go to their pastor. That’s not what schools are for.

Now what?

It’s not the end-game. It will most probably come back at some point.

Also, this is just one school district. Others in Florida will face such votes, and they might go for it.

Good Vs Evil

Most of you reading this no doubt already know this, but for completeness here it is.

Within Christian mythology Satan represents evil and all that is bad. However, I should make one thing very clear. The Satanic Temple, who are a recognised religion, do not believe in a literal Satan, nor are they individuals who decided “Hey, I just love being bad and evil, so I’m joining this group“.

Instead, when faced with religious fanatics, somebody had the lightbulb insight that if you are going to tackle religion as it trundles into the public square and attempts to impose itself, then a highly effective means is to adopt the persona of the fictitious enemy of these fanatics and use that to bludgeon this nonsense with.

As in … “Oh, so you want religion in public schools. OK then, how about this religion?

It’s also fun to watch as the fanatically religious get trolled by it every single time. You would think they would wise up to it … but no … every single time heads roll the full 360 and then explode. If curious, there is a Wikipedia page that lays out the details of who the Satanic Temple really are …

The Satanic Temple (TST) is a non-theistic organization and new religious movement,[1] founded in 2013 and headquartered in Salem, Massachusetts. Established in reaction to the “intrusion of Christian values on American politics”

Well yes, but what do they actually believe?

Basically this …

  1. One should strive to act with compassion and empathy toward all creatures in accordance with reason.
  2. The struggle for justice is an ongoing and necessary pursuit that should prevail over laws and institutions.
  3. One’s body is inviolable, subject to one’s own will alone.
  4. The freedoms of others should be respected, including the freedom to offend. To willfully and unjustly encroach upon the freedoms of another is to forgo one’s own.
  5. Beliefs should conform to one’s best scientific understanding of the world. One should take care never to distort scientific facts to fit one’s beliefs.
  6. People are fallible. If one makes a mistake, one should do one’s best to rectify it and resolve any harm that might have been caused.
  7. Every tenet is a guiding principle designed to inspire nobility in action and thought. The spirit of compassion, wisdom, and justice should always prevail over the written or spoken word.

In other words, while these really are the good guys, the supposed representatives of goodness, the fanatical Christian Nationalists, really are quite obnoxious immoral intolerant assholes.

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